The F Word

Vacation time means unleashing my inner Donna (or Nigel or Jamie, depending on which cookbook I happened to be poring over). Nothing fancy or elaborate - just grub that I would clean off my own plate (and hopefully others would too!).

Some of the dishes I prepared this time include:

Seafood bouillabaise with generous lashings of rouille (it's the green stuff in the picture; dead simple to do and most delicious!)

Potato gratin (or pommes dauphinoise if I wanted to sound pretentious)

Chocolate chip & cranberry cookies (combined effort with WD)

Maiden attempt at blueberry & banana muffins (another combined effort with WD - there's still room for improvement!)

There's more which I will put up once the pics are ready. It was great fun and most theraupeutic!

Rain & Hail (plus everything in between)

This was supposed to be a short post, but I guess I had more to off load than I thought.

I've been visiting for 2 weeks and it's just been a blast.
Besides unleashing my inner Donna Hay and cooking up a storm, I've

• shopped, eaten and cafe'ed at some really nice haunts (can't remember the names offhand; my cousins brought me)
• checked out many a farmers' market. Unearthing gastro gems at gourmet markets - I like!
• read my fill of serious and trashy tomes
• caught up with family and old friends, and even had the opportunity to make some new ones.
• experienced great sunny weather and some downright freaky ones (Hailstorms, anyone?)

In short, I lived like a person, for the first time in a long time this year.

So why, with 4 days left to this holiday, am I feeling like s***?

Several reasons I suspect, the first being that it's only 4 days left and I have to leave all this fun and return to the mind-numbing, gut-churning reality of work. I am trying my darndest to be positive (and frankly, there are many reasons to be upbeat) but knowing that I will be back in less than a week has me feeling pretty lousy. It's not because of the load - I know load and it's never gotten me down like this. The human factor plays a part too, and I could do a Devil Wears Prada type of spiel here, but frankly it's all bygones and I have been made a better, stronger person for it.

Honestly, the main reason for the blues is because I will be going back to something I no longer love, and because the fire, passion and fervour has fizzled out, it's become a chore. So yes, it seems I have to dig something before I can work on it willingly and cheerfully all day for the rest of my life. No pot of gold is tempting enough if the rainbow does not carry my favourite colours!

So how come I didn't figure this out earlier? I reckon it's a mixture of good fortune and being saddled with a risk-averse personality. I've been fortunate with earlier experiences which allowed me to do stuff I loved and get paid for it. However, that also reinforced my unwillingness to take risks and step out of that proverbial comfort zone. Of course, this year has only showed me how tenuous comfort zones are, and it's always better to step out of it on your own volition rather than wait to be shoved out.I also realised how precious our self-confidence and esteem are, and that we should invest everything in our power to protect and nurture it.

I'm going to go do some nurturing now. Life's too short to waste it on wallowing.