The F Word

Vacation time means unleashing my inner Donna (or Nigel or Jamie, depending on which cookbook I happened to be poring over). Nothing fancy or elaborate - just grub that I would clean off my own plate (and hopefully others would too!).

Some of the dishes I prepared this time include:

Seafood bouillabaise with generous lashings of rouille (it's the green stuff in the picture; dead simple to do and most delicious!)

Potato gratin (or pommes dauphinoise if I wanted to sound pretentious)

Chocolate chip & cranberry cookies (combined effort with WD)

Maiden attempt at blueberry & banana muffins (another combined effort with WD - there's still room for improvement!)

There's more which I will put up once the pics are ready. It was great fun and most theraupeutic!

Rain & Hail (plus everything in between)

This was supposed to be a short post, but I guess I had more to off load than I thought.

I've been visiting for 2 weeks and it's just been a blast.
Besides unleashing my inner Donna Hay and cooking up a storm, I've

• shopped, eaten and cafe'ed at some really nice haunts (can't remember the names offhand; my cousins brought me)
• checked out many a farmers' market. Unearthing gastro gems at gourmet markets - I like!
• read my fill of serious and trashy tomes
• caught up with family and old friends, and even had the opportunity to make some new ones.
• experienced great sunny weather and some downright freaky ones (Hailstorms, anyone?)

In short, I lived like a person, for the first time in a long time this year.

So why, with 4 days left to this holiday, am I feeling like s***?

Several reasons I suspect, the first being that it's only 4 days left and I have to leave all this fun and return to the mind-numbing, gut-churning reality of work. I am trying my darndest to be positive (and frankly, there are many reasons to be upbeat) but knowing that I will be back in less than a week has me feeling pretty lousy. It's not because of the load - I know load and it's never gotten me down like this. The human factor plays a part too, and I could do a Devil Wears Prada type of spiel here, but frankly it's all bygones and I have been made a better, stronger person for it.

Honestly, the main reason for the blues is because I will be going back to something I no longer love, and because the fire, passion and fervour has fizzled out, it's become a chore. So yes, it seems I have to dig something before I can work on it willingly and cheerfully all day for the rest of my life. No pot of gold is tempting enough if the rainbow does not carry my favourite colours!

So how come I didn't figure this out earlier? I reckon it's a mixture of good fortune and being saddled with a risk-averse personality. I've been fortunate with earlier experiences which allowed me to do stuff I loved and get paid for it. However, that also reinforced my unwillingness to take risks and step out of that proverbial comfort zone. Of course, this year has only showed me how tenuous comfort zones are, and it's always better to step out of it on your own volition rather than wait to be shoved out.I also realised how precious our self-confidence and esteem are, and that we should invest everything in our power to protect and nurture it.

I'm going to go do some nurturing now. Life's too short to waste it on wallowing.

P.E.R.S.P.E.C.T.I.V.E.

So I copied this from Durhamsider, cos it's damn cool lor.

"The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...


Noah was a drunk

Abraham was too old

Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar

Leah was ugly

Joseph was abused

Moses had a stuttering problem

Gideon was afraid

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer

Rahab was a prostitute

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young

David had an affair and was a murderer

Elijah was suicidal

Isaiah preached naked

Jonah ran from God

Naomi was a widow

Job went bankrupt

Peter denied Christ

The Disciples fell asleep while praying

Martha worried about everything

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

Zaccheus was too small

Paul was too religious

Timothy had an ulcer..AND

Lazarus was dead!"--

Note to self

Complain less on blog.

I was going to say "moan less", but that's just icks-sounding.

Late Night Natter

This wakefulness will cost me dearly tomorrow, but better to write than brood about looming work tasks right?

I will keep it simple by recounting my day, which was good, considering the emotional turbulence I have subjected friends and loved ones to this year. It was Dad's birthday so I brought him and Mum out for a scrummy Japanese lunch, after which we did a spot of shopping (Mum needed to get some sundries to bring over to Sydney). When we got home, I did some quick freshening up and some work (yes, had to, no choice) before I headed out to meet les femmes for this utterly delicious celluloid dish. The experience was a pleasant surprise; I expected an animated version of a culinary masterclass (after all, the animators did pay Thomas Keller's kitchen a visit as part of their research for said flick). Instead, what I got were wonderfully fleshed out characters, as well as a sound reminder about what true artistic passion entailed, what it means to simply love and be your craft.

I want to simply be my craft too. I just have to figure out what my craft is.

I think it's the hair...

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

Because a good song never hurt anybody :)

So I found this on Youtube today. Focks, you were spot-on as always. The female vocals were ho-hum, but George Chan! Darlink, NEVER quite that stage job for The Dance Floor. Evah!

Still, the star of the show for me (even though I missed it; had to train for my run lah. thanks gals for asking me though) is the musical's namesake song. I am reproducing 梁文福's lyrics here cos it's still one of my xinyao faves.

天冷就回来

从前对着收音机 学唱旧的歌
我问妈妈为什么 伤心像快乐
妈妈笑着 说她也不懂得
我想出去走一走 妈妈点点头

天冷你就回来 别在风中徘徊
妈妈眼里有明白 还有一丝无奈
天冷我想回家 童年已经不再
昨天的雨点洒下来 那滋味叫做爱

呜~别在风中徘徊
呜~天冷就回来

渐渐对着收音机 学唱新的歌
我问朋友为什么 做梦也快乐
朋友笑说 他从不相信梦
我想出去走一走 朋友点点头

天冷你就回来 别在风中徘徊
朋友的眼里有明白 还有一份期待
天冷我想回家 年少已经不再
今天的雨点洒下来 那滋味就是爱

现在对着收音机 听自己唱的歌
我的他问为什么 幸福不快乐
我微笑着 说我也不懂得
他想出去走一走 我对他点点头

天冷你就回来 别在风中徘徊
我猜我眼里有明白 还有一丝无奈
天冷他没回家 我仍然在等待
明天的雨点撒下来 那滋味就是爱

呜~别在风中徘徊
呜~天冷就回来

All I want to say now is....

Argh, my brain is fried and I wish I was in Hoi Ann sipping Vietnamese tea instead of clearing through the multitudes of items on my to-do list. Argh Argh Argh.

Sinking

The thought of going in tomorrow is such a turn-off.

To cheer meself up, I shall go read this now.

Cos she's hilarious, so there.

Surfacing

I think it's criminal that my last update was more than 3 month's ago! Even the Cat is giving me a baleful "you-oughtta-be-ashamed-of-yourself" stare as I type this, although I think his bad mood is more due to the fact that he has been confined against his will in the house all day, part of my mum's attempt to introduce him to the Great Indoors.

Where have I been all this while? Workin, am afraid. Toiling in the satanic mills under the microscopic gaze of a task-oriented overlord can leave one with little time for other hobbies. Thankfully, I am still in touch with the outside world courtesy of concerned friends and church mates. But yes, I concede that kitsune is suffering from a criminal state of neglect. I will try to rectify it with more anecdotes from my so-called life, at least let the rest of the world know what the heck is happening to me when I am not being undone by work, or what I am thinking about anyway.

So, thanks you all for sticking around so far and letting me know subtly or otherwise that this blog could do with some updating. Watch this space - it will not be just 1 update every 3 months. I promise!!!

Curriculums

Monday blues hitting me early tonight, so I turned to my favourite author for solace, and I found this:

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school.

1) They don't teach you how to love somebody.
2) They don't teach you how to be famous.
3) They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor.
4) They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer.
5) They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind.
6) They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.
7) They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”

I disagree with (7). I would never had known Gaiman and his gallery of fully-fleshed out characters and personas were it not for school.

Asides from that, spot-on.

Happiness is...

eating too much couscous and lamb tagine with good friends under an overcast sky.

And for the record, i love this site!!!

Terry Reflects

I like to think that he is thinking happy thoughts,

but experience tells me he is probably thinking nothing at all at that moment.
Lucky bugger.

Trois Mois aka First of many random posts

It's been 3 months since my last entry. Much has happened, almost all of it work-related. It's mostly been chaotic and for all intents and appearances, has done little to strengthen my state of mind. I wake up most nights in a cold sweat and with my heart racing, thinking that the world around me would collapse due to my incompetence. Mostly, work has put my resilience (or perhaps lack thereof) through the most rigorous of tests.

On the other hand, it has made me turn more to God for strength and advice. I've never prayed or read the Bible more. He has sustained me and given me strength when I have felt spent and adrift. He has also given me alot of help along the way, telling me in no uncertain terms that I am not alone in all this. He has also been advising me to stop treating this stage of my life like the Tour de France, complete with mountaineous and perilously narrow routes and blisters from the pedalling.

I will certainly try my best not to think it so...

Dreamscapes

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Stress-Free Stupidity Means...

...you get flawless skin. How do I know this? Only because that's what you-who-cannot-understand-simple-instructions have. My instructions were very clear - place A under A, B under B and so on and so forth. You don't place A under C, or B under D. And please don't give me a convoluted tale about how C was actually A, only 2 years younger. When said tale is told to me, it means I have to summon whatever willpower I have to not commit culpable homicide on you. How my co-workers can retain their good humour around you is lost on me. But so help me, I will learn even if it kills me.

I will go eat some spicy seaweed now.

Hanging Loose

So had an enlightening dinner with LittleBlue after class. It had been a more frazzled than usual day for me, mostly because I kept forgetting things, scattering the information like breadcrumbs on the path leading to the gingerbread house.



I am getting senile, I said. No, it's accumulated stress and it's getting you down, countered LittleBlue.



Did I mention my friends know me very well?



So I got home and had a good ole think and obstinately tried sorting out my messy thoughts. The results weren't pretty. I realised I am still (*cue cymbals*) very stressed about work. There's also much irrational emotions/thoughts like

• desperation to prove that I can hack it at this new gig
• a realisation that this might be the sort of work i could actually grow to love and do for the long haul (even though it will never earn me big bucks, especially if in the long run i move on to a VWO)
  
• a fear of failure, which is inextricably tied to insecurities about bread and butter issues (things are much better now compared to 3 years back, but until the sibs graduate, it's just me holding the fort, which scares me. my parents are in fine fettle now, but you never know abt such things.)

Between my high-strung personality and all these nonsense, no wonder I lost that irreverent sense of humour!



The thing that really sucks about all this? Jesus got lost in all this existential mess. To my shame, I realised all this worry is also a twisted form of arrogance. I worry incessantly because I don't trust anyone except myself to make it work. It stems from a prideful refusal to surrender these cares and issues to Him. And I have been down this road before. It just amazes me that He always has the patience and loving capacity to take me back, even when I revert back to bad habits like this.



LittleBlue and Focks, you gals are right - I am itching to go on a quest to get my irreverent groove back. I will also try to take it easy while I am at it :)

Girls Who Do Comedy

Hosted by Dawn French. Watch the all 3 installments on YouTube if you have time. Brilliant stuff!

(Postscript: This video has since been removed. No matter, I am sure the DVD will surface at some point...)